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Apr. 28th, 2016 @ 04:57 pm Central sleep apnea in a healthy toddler - my grandchild, Emmy.
My grandchild, Emmy, had a sleep study done this month on the 13th. We got the results of that study yesterday, and she has central sleep apnea. It's a rare form of apnea that means her brain stops sending the signal for her to breathe as she sleeps. We've been referred to a pediatric pulmonologist and a neurologist for testing, and she might also need to see a cardiologist, depending on what they find/don't find.

Central sleep apnea is rare overall, and almost always found in adults with either heart or brain damage - or in preemies. The preemies outgrow it by the time they're about 6 months old. Emilia is 18 months old, and otherwise appears to be completely healthy. My daughter took her in because she wakes up crying in terror almost every time she goes to sleep. Now we know why.

Prayers, and healing wishes of any sort accepted - but most of all, I know some people here are in the medical field. Does anyone have any information? It really is impossible to find anything on central apnea in children - the only info is on obstructive apnea, the most common kind.

In other news, I fell and managed to give myself whiplash so I am wearing a cervical collar. Life is interesting....in that Chinese proverb kinda way!
Apr. 11th, 2016 @ 12:27 am Father issues - Angel and his blue eyed boys
Father issues:

Penn - he was the first one, the attempt to prove his own father wrong. Angel turned an angry young man into a vampire, and taught him how to kill. Family blood is the sweetest blood - savor it and Penn did. He approved of Penn, taught him, praised him, and Penn became a true follower. A sycophant. A bore. There was no challenge - nothing to fight, and no reason to keep him around. The last time Angel saw him Penn tried to kill him and ended up as dust.

Spike - the next one, the mewling poet Dru dragged home who seemed to think that being a vampire was being accepted into an elevated social circle, with fangs. Angel fought him, and Spike fought back with mockery, disrespect, truths and any other weapon he could find. He adapted, became a brawling street thug, grabbed at life with too much bravado for a dead man. Spike adapted - that was his one power - he learned pain, stood up and grinned ready for more. Sometimes they talked though, played cards, drank, shagged and they always had each other’s back. The last time Angel saw him, Spike had teamed up with the slayer to defeat him and send him to hell.

Lawson - he was a choice Angel couldn't win no matter which way he chose, so he decided to play the number game, took a hero and turned him into a monster so everyone else would survive. He let that blue-eyed boy live to fight another day. The last time he saw Larson, his boy tried to kill Angel and his family and Angel staked him.

Doyle - picked him off the streets and taught him to be a hero. The last time Angel saw him was when Doyle, the hero, died and Angel wished he had just been a few seconds quicker.

Wesley - distrusted him at first, and then he adored him and then he saw him. Wesley saw him as no other human ever had, was the closest thing he ever had to a friend. He didn't crumple when Angel tossed him aside for blood vengeance, he just took over, adapted, grew - became someone to trust, to rely on, who always found the right answers and had his back. Then Wes distrusted him again, took his blue eyed boy and sent him to hell. Angel tried to kill him, wanted to kill him, but they both ended up surviving.

Connor - that was the only blue-eyed boy he wanted - Connor was the meaning of everything, of coming back from hell, of killing a cellar full of lawyers. Connor was hope in a slightly wet diaper holding his finger, he was warm bottles in the night, and he was crying and laughing and so pure. Then his real boy, his miraculous blue eyed boy was taken to hell and turned into a monster by his other father. Connor tried to kill him, drove him insane, and finally tried to kill everyone, so Angel slit his throat.

Angel gave him away to warm cookies and smiles, and took away everyone's memories of all that happened to this blue-eyed boy, and he sold himself into slavery as the price.

Spike 2.0 - Spike with a soul, souled Spike, that pretentious blue eyed boy thought he was the real hero and Angel saw that people believed him sometimes. They pummeled each other with words and they had each other’s backs against a necromancer, and a ghost. Then Spike was corporeal and they pummeled each other with more than words, with fists and swords and truths, and Spike had a chance to dust Angel but they both survived again. They hated each other some more, argued, listened to each other sometimes, saw each other, rescued each other, shagged, fought, and they were only intimate one sober weekend - all the other times they were drunk but that didn't count because Angel had an excuse for it (whatever it was that time).

Connor was alive, wanted to fight, Angel saw that look in his eyes and sent him away to live.

Wesley was dead, wanted redemption; Angel saw that look in his eyes and sent him away to die.

The last time Angel saw him, Spike had his back, ready to adapt, ready to fight for honor and justice and all the right things. This was his idiot child, his very last blue eyed boy, the one who followed his path and was going to die with him, for him, beside him, and Angel gripped his sword tighter and eyed the dragon.

Okay, I have no idea what this is - just a thing that's been floating in my head. Share your own ideas, I guess. All the characters have some sort of pattern in their lives. I see this as one of Angel's. Find other patterns, and/or disagree with this, whatever.
Apr. 5th, 2016 @ 03:06 pm Death to Mozilla
I logged on this morning and everything was fine - I logged on this afternoon and was presented with a brand new Firefox acct. My entire acct has been lost - all the restore options do not work. So I'll be spending a few days trying to find at least some of my bookmarks. most of all i miss my fanfic bookmarks - I probably had over 100. So if you have fanfic - particularly Spangel, Spiles, or spesley - can you send me a link?

Also - I had a white page with all my friend's post and it took up the full page - on the top I had the option to mark things and read, and in the bottom I cold delete them, or delete all. Any idea how to get back to that page? I can't figure out how to delete comments which means i have to repeatedly scroll through every comment each time i stop to respond and it is driving me insane!!

Oh, hell - and my Wayback machine stories!
Mar. 27th, 2016 @ 06:25 pm I miss Buffy
I miss Buffy. I miss the whole finding the B-verse and finding fanfic and finding people to rec fics to, and getting recs, and the Buffy community where small things led to long discussions and I have Buffy thoughts. I was playing on the Buffy Board for a while, and I might go back, but it's not as much fun. The mods said that people were leaving because of spirited discussions (arguments) - mostly me and one of the old timers - so we were taken to task. No more really vigorous debate allowed - so no more exploration and passion. Just kind of fluffy stuff. I have friends there, and i like the people by and large - but I miss Buffy.

I want to pull it apart and gnaw on the bones and find tidbits, then rebuild it and admire it. I want my B-verse community back. It's an ache.

Buffy thoughts....

What did happen in the Initiative? Spike is taken, and 2 weeks later he appears just fine. But he has no idea that they did surgery on him, or even that the blood is drugged. What was the point of chipping vampires to start with? Why didn't the chip kick in until he was away from the facility? Why were they so desperate to find him? Was he the only chipped vampire? Did they want their chip back? Was the chip something that could be reused? For that matter, if the locator hadn't been flushed, what were they going to do? How do you keep a low profile during a public kidnapping?

Having rewatched parts of season 5, I am convinced that the love of Xander's life was Riley. Xander actually wriggled with joy when he saw Riley, fawned on him, repeated every word Riley said, talked about Riley as if he was the supreme being. He never behaved that way with Anya or Cordelia - they were more like trophies, not objects of adoration. Season 4 should have featured the big love triangle between Xander, Riley and Buffy - and the chemistry award goes to the guys.

I really love Illyria - finally. It's taken me this long to get to that point. Wesley is so vulnerable to her, and on so many level. But as time goes on I kinda find Fred annoying. I mean, Fred just after they find her is great, but Fred and Gunn never seemed to have the chemistry, and she was so willing to let him take the lead. Then season five Fred became a Fred icon, her character was to be the Good person who was never tempted. I don't think Wesley was in love with her, I think he idealized her.

I still think that the best relationship shown in the verse is Wesley and Lilah - not a healthy relationship but they were equals. Lilah was the only real adult on either show - independent, amoral, opportunistic, and completely unashamed. I love the way that Wesley and she worked out their darkness, and I really think they had no chance in hell simply because they would never actually live in the same universal construct of right and wrong but in their bubble they were complex, hot, and had so much sexual tension the screen melted.

Oh, and why is it that no one ever seems to take into account the fact that the First, in season seven, was messing with everyone's mind. I've had some passionate discussion on the B-board with someone who insists that the only times the First was present was in the few scenes that it was shown. But the First is a mindf*cker extraordinaire, but it didn't try to break up the group, fracture relationships, and take part in the mutiny? And, for that matter, exactly how did the First appear to Giles - why was he so determined to kill Spike? I'm thinking the First appeared to him as Angelus - delighting in their torture, and warning him about Spike, or maybe assuring him that spike was really safe.

Does anyone else miss the B-verse community - I think it filled a place in me, and I've watched and loved all sorts of other shows but none of them fill that place.
Mar. 9th, 2016 @ 11:42 pm Unfriending
I've hit my limit of allowed friends so I am going to have to defriend to friend in the new friend thingy which I am part of - and want to do.

The trouble is I don't have the time to see if people are still active - that's a lot of accounts to go through. So, if we are still friends on your side then we are on my side - and if you could let me know then process of elimination should work.

Also - can anyone explain how to defriend. :)
Cuz knowing that would help a lot.
Jan. 21st, 2016 @ 05:19 pm tumblr
Does anyone else have a tumblr - I would love to get some links. I just reblog since I am art challenged but I'd love to reblog the stuff I see created here.

Oh, and I have an AO3 - http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bespangled
I think they are all stories I wrote and posted here first.

Psst - public post....because I want many replies.
Feb. 24th, 2015 @ 12:37 pm Kerri/Salustra died this morning.
I am so sorry to tell you all that Kerri/Salustra died this morning. She had developed a severe infection and was not able to fight it off.

Her family is trying to get some money to pay for her cremation and a small memorial. Given that Kerri was seriously disabled she had nowhere near enough put by to even pay for her medical bill co-pays. Here is the link to her YouCaring acct for those who can donate.


The family is also working to set up some sort of fandom memorial since writing and fan activities were such a big part of her life. We are working hard to arrange everything for Kerri. Thank you Everyone for all your support, thoughts, prayers and energies. I would love any suggestions as to remembering her since most of you are online what would you all like to do?


Here is Kerri's facebook page where her sister has been kind enough to pass on information to her friends.
Feb. 1st, 2015 @ 05:57 pm I am rewatching Buffy
My older daughter - the one who swore she would never watch Buffy finally caved after I showed her The Body. We've just started season three, and there are some things I had forgotten.

Given that for the last 3 years my Buffy experience has been very much favorite episodes and scenes, I'm really impressed by the flow of the seasons, and how each character grows so slowly and normally. I see all sorts of foreshadowing from lines and actions to places where certain events take place. If I were a good meta writer I would keep track of those but given my current medicated state - not so much. I find a neat bit that foreshadows, swear I will remember it, and then it goes away and I find another bit.

Faith has just arrived, and killed Kakistos. Buffy has just told Giles and Willow that Willow's spell worked and Angel was souled when she killed him. Part of me still wants Giles to realize the trouble that awaits Willow - he did tell her that this is a dark spell and she may be opening a door she can't close. But I also see how very much he was involved in bringing Buffy back, in finding out what really happened to her and giving her a safe reason to talk. I love the pretend spell as a reason.

After a period of Xander loathing, I find myself really liking young Xander. He's stalwart, and he says what is on his mind. In fact I am kind of adoring the entire cast. I know who they become but right now I'm intrigued by who they are and waiting to see again who they become - or rather how they become who they are as adults. I know, yet I am ready to see it in some new way like I am seeing all of the show.
Jan. 30th, 2015 @ 12:58 am Salustra (Kerri Hunter)
Okay - I just found out that pickamix is really alive and I am mostly confused. I know I cried all day after reading that she died. I've had some RL - but I also just gafiated because of the emotional load. (GAFIA - get away from it all - an old ST fandom term). I am sorta no one here and I like that - I have done big frog and hated it. Mostly I like to watch and sometimes talk or make comments, or beg for more of a story. But even after a few years in Buffy fandom, I find that this place can be like Braille, and I can feel things but not figure them out. There's all sorts of under currents, rip tides, and other water stuff. So - confused.

But I have kept up with Kerri because she and I were friends. We tried to write together and we had very different styles so that part didn't work. But we talked a lot about ourselves and life. We told each other things we never shared with others here (at least until recently for me).

Guys - Salustra will not be coming back to fandom. The stroke she had has robbed her of the ability to speak or move beyond the simplest things. When she is able to communicate she is doing so by blinking to her sister, and that is very rare. Mostly she is just trapped inside herself, and I don't know about you but that is my personal nightmare scenario. Her sister updates us about once a month, and posts the same updates on her own FB. I don't know what goes, I don't know who has what history, I do know that this is very much for real.

Update: Hi all, Todd and the girls went up to visit Kerri today, my allergies are getting the better of me. She was tired and not as responsive. They said she tends to respond more when I am there. The girls also took a bunch of decorations up to the room to help cheer her up. They drew pictures and put up posters. They also met up with a friend who visited her too. We are very grateful she had other visitors. Honestly the only thing we can do is give her time, prayers and time. Remember hug your loved ones! And thanks to everyone! Hugs Stacy Mikosh

I am sending reiki, and praying in my own agnostic way. But I'm not all that sure what would be best. All I know is that if it were me, I would want to move on to whatever there is next. Just wanted to share - kinda felt there are some out there who know her to some degree and maybe want to know. But, like I said, confused here.
Dec. 27th, 2014 @ 12:48 am Kerri Hunter aka Salustra

Merry Christmas Happy Yule Happy Holidays everyone! Kerri is much more awake but with the sweet comes sour. Her temp is up and so is her discomfort. We are still here everyday reading your messages and keep up hope. She is moving her head more and starting to mouth some words and smile and kiss face. Please keep her in your prayers and healing energies. Hug your loved ones, Stacy Mikosh

Kerri is still responding they are giving some occasion pain management as the lack of movement is taking its toll. Thank you all for your prayers and healing energies. We are all deeply grateful to you all. I do read your comments and such to her. I think it helps for her to know people are thinking of her. Hugs to you all and your families.

Been brooding on the pub, and would it be okay to dedicate it to pickamix? She was the other maintainer and moderator (except for the secret one she knew about). She really wanted us to have this place. I'm kinda lost here - anyone?